I lost too many things today. Too make it worse, I lost my credibility and probably the ticket to my dreams. A certain portion of my heart is crushed, another bleeding. The crazy feeling is running through my veins, nerves and other parts of my body even. i'm feeling it inside and out. I'm feeling it through and through. I hate it. I'm hating it. But I know this shouldn't stop me from achieving my dreams, (or do I really even have one? Sometimes, I think I'm already content with what it is, what I have and what I am) while on my way home, I actually realized why God brought me where I am, not because I deserve it (because clearly, if that's the criterion, I can be replaced any minute now), or I prayed for it (because He knows, I know what my limitations are and I'm in the know what my credentials are as well, I never aspired for anything larger than a store manager or a teacher, I once visualized myself as a lawyer, yes, but not after I realized that my lisp could actually take me aback), and need it even (because He knows I would happily and readily accept anything He'll give me). He brought me here for some reasons and one is to grow. I may never grow in an environment where people look up to me, thinks I'm one of the best and most capable. Perhaps that's why in any game, you always need to level up, because you may never be the best nor better even if you'll stay somewhere you already mastered. You must wonder around and explore your options well, and that's what I believe what God wants me to do - to explore, learn more and be better.

So, on this day, 16th of September 2011, I hereby declare my adherence to what God has planned me to do. I'll be better, I'll learn more, I'll explore and definitely grow. No more what ifs. No more giving up. I'm ready. I'm taking this challenge.

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13